Message Board
Sir Edward
There have been many questions about me being knighted and how it all came about. So I thought I would write about it here so that you all will know how this feat happened. I will write about the Quest of the Jihady, Maiden Mary, and Jeffrey the Midget.
I would like to give a brief description and synopsis of Knights and why they rock!
1. Knights like to fight.
2. Knights get hot chicks.
3. Knights get to wear armor that make them look big. (Hence the fair maidens that Love them).
The truth about Knights:
Knights can kill anyone! They carry swords that can cut through a steel boat! I once heard a story about an old lady that fell down and broke her hip. A knight was standing around and was annoyed by the old ladies screaming. So he killed her! That's bad ass if you ask me. Or the time when a knight was at a Luby's eating all you can eat. He sat down and a guy next to him dropped his fork. The Knight killed everyone! If you don't believe Knights are the greatest people in the world then you need to get a life right now!
Let us begin with the knighting of Sir Edward:
2006 AD
One day on a cool Summer's Eve, a great noble named Edward was presented forth right to his King. Thy King un sheaved thy sword and touched Edward on thy right shoulder and said " Oh great Edward, man loved by all, man above all other men, I knight thee." It was at that moment in human history that I, Sir Edward the first, became a knight of not just any order, but the order of the Triangle of Knights.
My king gave me my first quest. In this quest I was sent forth to slay a vile man. The quest is here forth known as the "Quest of the Jihady". My mission was simple, to locate this creature of the earth, and to man kill him. I asked thy king, "How will I know this man?" Thy King gave me renderings of the Jihady as well as a sample of the poo that would come from his mouth. "Annabahibek kateed kateed. Um Shukh ulnam. Allah Ackbar." I knew at that moment that any man who could uttter such words would be a true champion of evil. Thy King also warned me of his evil lover the bitch hag, all that is known about her is this rendering:
I knew immediately after viewing this rendering that I was in for a great challenge. One that would require thy greatest Knightly skills known to man.
And so I set forth on thy quest. My knight training taught me how to be dangerous. I knew how to kill. I trained with the great Sir Effenstein. Who taught me mounted combat.
The first leg of thy journey took me west into the foothills of Kingdom Westlake. Here it is scribed that a great Jihady lives. Is this where I will deliver mortal combat? Only time will tell. As I ride my steed I listen for natures tales. It is a great skill of a knight to discern even the faintest noise and then throw thy sword with hawk eye precision to end thy noise. It was then that my owl like hearing picked up this faint chant "Halleckum salaam. Ismi hajjar kareem inshallah al funduq. Allah Ackbar!!"
I reached for thy sword and swiftly threw into thy air towards the devils chant!! Instead of seeing blood and glory my view was perverted with this:
II shall curse the gods for a 1000 years!! No man should ever have to see such perversion and utter disregard for human dignity!!! It was at this moment that I knew I had to strike down the evil Jihady. For no man's son's should ever endure this creature of evil!!
And so I grabbed my god sword and swung it violently at the Jihaddy!!! He started to say "ALLAH AKBAR!! ALLAH AKBAR!! ALLAH AKBAR!!". I couldn't stand this nonsense, so I upper cutted the beast right on the chin. He screamed in pain! Jihady blood flowed onto the green grass before thy feet!!! The evil hag bitch then let out an awful bellowing and clubbed me with her right arm! I felt violated. I ran to the stream of water below and jumped into it! I began to clean thy self of the evil bitch hag's poisons!
The sun was drawing near and I knew that I had to strike now or forever be lost in the lands of the Jihady!!! I closed my eyes and began to visualize how to deliver the final blow and end the reign of terror that the Jihady has bestowed upon thy Kingdom of Westlake.
It was then that I saw it, like a shining star upon a night sky, the weapon that would end Jihady's mortal life.
Behold the Rabbit Habit
I grabbed thy rabbit firmly with both hands and ran towards the Jihady!! I could see the fear in his eye's as a I ran toward him!! He began to scream in high womanly screeches!! Jihady in his silliness trips and falls onto all fours, it was then that I knew what I had to do! The view was that not unlike a full moon upon a dark night! I thrusted forward with the Rabbit Habit and violently penetrated the Jihady holy area!!
The Jihady then exploded before thy eyes! I was victorious! I had completed my first Holy Quest. My knighthood was complete! I was then able to return to thy castle and rejoice in food and drink. I danced the night away with my scribes and fair ladies!
